I went to Sweat Lodge today. It has been calling to me for a while. This one in particular I needed to wait to see if my Moon Time passed. Separately I am trying to encourage my Moon Time to come earlier this month so that I can be free to go deep in my Ayahuasca experience. So I have been on prescription from my spiritual doctor. The protocol encouraged some deep healing to occur. I was very skeptical and also very surprised by the results and subsequent impacts.

My Moon Time passed and it was a last minute decision to go. I am clean and sober so there was no issues with the energy I was bringing to ceremony. I didn’t have a clear intention, and that didn’t matter as I am a Know-It-All in remission. Meaning, I don’t need all the answers or all the information to know I am making the right decision. Least with stuff like this.

My intention, as I worked it out in the car ride up there, was to connect with my plant medicine more deeply. What this really involved is a continuation of the Amalgamation of Self I have most recently discovered about myself. Making friends with my Ego, mainly. I feel like the Ego is the protective outer layer and underneath it lies all these little pieces of my puzzle of self. You know, my sadness, my anger, my Distracted Self, my Impatient Self, my Chaos Creator, my Addictive Self. You get the idea.

My Ego is so big and large as inside I am a vulnerable, hurt, little, scared girl. My Ego doesn’t know I have grown up. By making friends with it and talking with it, it has a chance to see this. I kept having the same conversations that I normally have with myself, but today I was making it more loving, more understanding. More maternal in my approach. The coincidence of it being Mother’s Day tomorrow and me only just realising I am reparenting myself by being a mother to myself. I also am in a fathering role too, but that didn’t show up today.

I also sat down with myself and rehashed the same conversation I had with myself at the last sweat. The one where I ask if my mind and body would please get along. I know they don’t like each other, perhaps don’t trust each other. Like two adolescent teenage siblings fighting with me as the frustrated parent watching on, waiting for them to work it out amongst themselves. I could feel a shift coming on. I can’t wait to sleep tonight.

I really can’t give my all to this tonight. I did things in the wrong order today, like I have been for most of my life. I need to carve out intentional blogging time during the day to get all these thoughts down. When I do it too tired, it takes all the fun out of it. Writing is meant to be a fun outlet. So I am cutting it short today, even though I have a lot to say.

I will leave you with this though.

Look what I saw coming out of Sweat Lodge today.

If that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is…!

From the Interwebs: “The Black Bear is often seen as a symbol of protection, strength, power, and the natural world. It can also represent healing, nurturing, and a connection to the unconscious mind.”

Cora laying on my chest as a write this. My favourite supervisor yet.

Lots of love,

Kate