Last night I asked my dreams what it is that I will be taught. I admitted that I felt lost, very lost. I yearned to know what my higher purpose is. I was gifted these answers, though the dream was chaotic. I could tell which way was up still, sure. But it was endless amounts of topics one on top of the other. ‘You have a lot to learn, young whippersnapper’ is my summary review. I am a newborn getting ready to crawl, not yet knowing how her arms and legs work together. Much like my laps in the pool. They have worked together before, once upon a time in childhood, though I am out of practice with the noise that has transpired since then.

I have been very curious about The Man from Peru who visits me in my dreams. The Man, who a part of myself left my precious unprocessed childhood convulsions as an offering for him wrapped in my Ayahuasca blanket, who was surprised, impressed by it. The relief, that unexpectedly came out of my body through tears and panic, and was not yet known to me to be in fact relief, was a bodily release in itself.

My friend who I had been briefly explaining the high-level version of my dreams to, met me for coffee on Friday. He told me about this European man who also had a shaman visit him in his dreams. The guy wrote a book and I have just started it. I think my question for my dream tonight is to ask what this man’s name is. What is his purpose in life and what is his favourite pastime activity. I would like to get to know him. What are his strengths, what are his weaknesses. What can he help me with? Maybe if I know these things, I can help him find them in my mind, body and soul. At the moment it just seems like he is wandering the lay of the land of my consciousness. He seems like he is assessing, searching. I do trust this man. Maybe a part of me doesn’t trust him too, but that isn’t personal. It is a huge part of my story. I am interested to find out what I learn.

I just realised I missed a few dream entries. Maybe I should come up with a structure for this blog so that the story continues. I will work on that.

What I am most proud of myself for today is setting up a boundary with a dear and loved friend who continues to use booze to self-soothe. I have lost count of the number of times I have tried to support this friend with my love, advice, counsel, support. He showed up to my house yesterday with a drink in his hand. It hurt my heart so much to see him with it. I couldn’t shake the feeling. I wanted to cut him off then and there. My isolation protection mechanism at play. The night ended, I was still upset laying in bed. This morning when I woke I was still upset. I decided to employ my newly learned Boundary Setting Technique from my Tools for Trauma class. It is a simple and very effective technique. I wrote out what I wanted to say with the intent I was going to message it to him. I read it out loud to a trusted source and was given the advice to say it to his face. I took the advice and asked to visit my friend, and he agreed.

I read it out loud to him. I tried to maintain eye contact as much as I could to demonstrate my seriousness of my words. Eye contact at the best of times is incredibly difficult for me. I made sure to stay calm but also let my voice waver with the emotion behind the words. I said it gently and kindly. He took it really well. He got slightly defensive at a point, but overall he was measured.

I am proud of myself because the energy in my body was telling me his actions did not sit right with me. I listened to that ‘voice’. I heard it, saw it (maybe not as clearly as I could have – a lesson for the next time a situation like this comes up – probably should journal on it first), felt it and took the appropriate action. I did not operate from a place of judgement. I expressed myself with love and from my heart. After sharing, we hugged. The energy in my body was buzzing on a completely different level. Maybe my body was cheering for me. This makes me laugh to write. I think it was cheering. I felt SO much lighter and at peace after. Some quality evidence for my Boundary Setting Toolbox.

This whole event transpiring showed me how to move through with grace and love. This is something I want to embody more. If I had kept this feeling and these thoughts to myself, today could have turned out a completely different way. I had the courage to change this situation into something completely different. As I reflect on the day I had, this is now my highlight for the day. I had many highlights too.

Lots of love,

Kate