I purged tonight. It was unexpected and it makes sense at the same time.

After a full day of adventuring, I was having a quiet moment to myself in the forest near where we are staying, like I usually do twice a day. I checked in with Little Kate, for the first time in a while, to see how things were going. I feel bad that I forget about her so easily and quickly. The overwhelming sense of love was back, but this time there was less in the way. It felt like pure love. I decided in that moment I would give my Mum and Dad my gift to each of them from my Peru trip. I got my Mum an owl and I got my Dad a frog, both symbolic to them. Both made with Ayahuasca vine.

I carried these with me, literally one in each hand when I was purging in Peru. At this point in my story, I was not connected to my Mum and my Dad. Something in me chose these items to symbolise the strength they each gave me. In Ayahuasca, the left side of the body represents the mother’s and the right side represents the father’s side. I didn’t learn this until recently. So to carry one in each hand when I was going through almighty purging, it hold a lot of weight.

When I pitched the idea to a friend recently, they prompted me in response ‘What reaction are you hoping to get from them?’ They told me it was a good idea, and they knew the intention behind my idea. The question was valid.

I decided whole heartedly to action my idea today. It went really well. I was able to share parts of what I wanted to. I delivered it with love and an open heart and left out the heavier parts of my original idea. I paused and asked for feedback along the way. Usually I just keep talking like word-vomit out of nervousness and trying to fill the space. There is still a lot I forgot to include and explain. My busy mind moves too fast for my lips still, this will adjust in time.

Go slow, slow is smooth, smooth is fast.

Talked to Mum later in more depth about what had been going for me. I did it again kindly and gently.

This is new territory for me. To not go out with guns blazing is out of character. An adjustment and I am still finding my feet with all of this.

I am really proud of myself. I am incredibly proud of the person I am becoming. New layers are about to be shed. I can feel it brewing. I can’t thank Mother Ayahuasca and my plant medicine enough for the hard work they have put into my cause. They have helped me beyond words, yet I will still keep trying to find the right ones to give my thanks. I will honour them in the work I am putting into my healing.

The usual story too: if I wasn’t so exhausted, I might have more space in myself to write more. I am working on this.

Lots of love,

Kate