The best way to cheer yourself up, is to cheer someone else up – Mark Twain

Today was a very full on day. A last minute hustle on finishing a friend’s birthday card off, an airport drop off, island hopping to help a friend in need and then the finale of dropping off the belated birthday present.

I made a friend’s birthday card. It is only my third final sealed and delivered homemade birthday card. He likes graffiti and so I wrote out one of his catchphrases in graffiti style. I have zero experience with art and zero experience with graffiti. But turns out, the nice graffiti guy from YouTube is a pretty good teacher. My friend has also been helping me to unlock my artistic potential with a few tips and tricks which I was able to apply. It turned out great, even though I was being critical of myself along the way. I know this critical voice is a Little Me and her beliefs. I didn’t discount them or push them down. Instead I heard them and carried on trying. I felt bad I had the same idea last year and didn’t complete it. It felt really good to see the joy on his face. I think he was pretty stoked with it.

I then went to visit a friend on another island. He’s struggling atm. I made sure to check in with him and his feelings during the hang out. He humoured me with a chakra balancing meditation where you sing the vowel sounds of the chakra. I could feel the energy all through my body through the exercise. It’s very powerful now that I am getting used to it. He said he felt numb after, but something in him also said that it felt good. He’s going to keep on trying it.

Moving house is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life. Apparently it’s up there with marriage and death too. So I was able to use my pragmatic skills to write down the long list of things weighing on his mind about the move and help work out a plan. I am actually surprisingly good at organising things. It was even kinda fun for me to pack up things and I got a quality dopamine hit from crossing things off the list. Probably should have got him to do it, but hey.

On the way over on the ferry, I had a calling to write my friend a letter. I wanted it to be from Little Kate and addressed to Little Him. Little Me was shy and unsure. I took note and wrote from my heart about the things that I saw that were similar between our hurt. It came flowing out of the pen. I asked Little Me to write something to Little Him and it was a beautiful way to finish the letter. Little Me did express on the paper that if words were too much then to try drawing instead. She said that Big Kate, me, doesn’t do that nearly enough. I don’t do it at all. My friend’s birthday card made me realise that I have been missing out on that in life because I was overly critical telling myself that I am not good at it. Telling myself I am not artistic and not bothering trying to pursue it as it didn’t come easy to me. I can tell ya, it came a hell of a lot easier when I kept trying. I am really proud of how it turned out.

The whole day was a lot. I jammed so much in. I am looking forward to this week and being home alone to work out where I come unstuck in the day. I am so easily influenced by other people, overwhelmed by seemingly easy tasks. It will be nice to work on that. I also need to ask for another therapy session. Last night I worked out that I am scared to be home alone because I will be alone with myself. Last year my word of the year was intimacy, meaning connection. I struggle with connection with others and I only realised last night this is because I struggle with intimacy with myself. If I am afraid of being alone, then how can I expect that fear to be absent when I am with others. It doesn’t make sense. I feel stable enough to dive into this in therapy. I had such an amazing therapy session, again, last week. It’s all connected.

I feel bad that I didn’t get to write this blog a lot earlier in the day. This same feeling of regret of not committing time to write on here earlier in the day has plagued me since I first started this blog. I am however proud of myself for how I showed up today. If only I showed up for myself first thing in the morning, maybe it would have been the ultimate day for me.

I am learning, albeit slowly. Change is coming. I can feel it. I am looking forward to this next levelling up that is surely on the cards soon.

Lots of love,

Kate